For my mom

Dec 2, 2012


I took these photos in Yosemite last December.  I went with some of my best friends, Lauren, Cibyl and Annie, for a magical New Year's Summit (Yosummite!) It was pretty incredible- hiking, cooking, sitting by waterfalls and enjoying my amazing friend's company, both quiet and loud...  We did several of the usual "wolfnight" adventures: reading tarot- obviously, eating pretzel marshmallows, courtesy of Cibyl Delaire- concoctress extraordinaire- and spending our breakfasts on the veranda of Cibyl's family's home, basking in a crisp, California winter sun.  I left feeling very strong and so full of love; for this I am so grateful, since it seems to have prepared me for what was to come.  

I can't believe it has been almost a year since this trip to Yosemite.  Soon after, I returned to a cold New York, and began one of the most amazing (and exhausting!) adventures of my life, taking an apprenticeship with a talented and inspiring woman, Emily Thompson, owner of Emily Thompson Flowers.  I loved waking up early, heading to Dumbo, smelling winter, and walking into Emily's INSANELY AMAZING studio, where I was instantly inspired. The internship turned into the job I have now,  as a floral designer at ETF.  I haven't stopped learning since I started.  Sometimes in the studio, I smell a familiar flower scent, and it reminds me so much of when I first started working for Emily.  The smell and these memories bring about a very peculiar feeling-- the feeling of looking back on falling in love.  You know that feeling of remembering what it was like to fall in love with someone?! It's pretty crazy to experience that sort of feeling towards my first few months at this job.  I feel grateful that I found this place, the people I work with, and I feel so lucky that I get to work with flowers and plants every day.  The colors, the smells, the textures, the life, the images and photographs..aahhhhh! (Don't worry- it can be exhausting, and physical and all of those annoying things.... but it is still so awesome.)

This past July, my mother visited me in New York for my birthday.  I had been telling her all about my new job for months, and it was so amazing to share my life with her- show her the shop, what I do everyday, my favorite Brooklyn spots, the ferry to Williamsburg- all the little things that we both love so much and always shared together.  It was such an amazing trip.  We walked and walked all over a summery Brooklyn, so lush and covered in green- (I notice plants and trees even more now- everywhere I go!).  We ate delicious food, went to flea markets, sat on my couch for an entire day together, and had a very sweet trip.  I had never seen my mom so happy as she had been in this past year, and it was so nice to share this time with her.  And I am so happy that she extended her trip- TWICE! She really knew what was important (aka to spend time with ME!) and how to enjoy her life.  When I dropped her off at JFK, I cried...a lot!  Alexis, who was in the car with me, didn't know how to console me! I don't usually cry when I say goodbye to my mom- and I've done it so many times since I've lived in NY for about 5 years (minus a year spent in California after college).  She and I were very close, but I was always good at saying goodbye.   But this time, I felt a calmness in our relationship that I hadn't felt in a long time (hehe, mom, you know what I mean!), and I was so sad that I wouldn't get to spend more time with her.   I wonder now, if in some weird way, I knew what was coming?  My friends and I are always joking about being somewhat psychic...  I don't actually know, and it doesn't really matter- maybe I was just really sad to see her off, but it is so crazy to me that just a month later, I had to really say goodbye to her forever.  I believe that something in the universe knew that this was going to happen, and that it gave me one last amazing, glorious, special time to spend with her.  And an amazing glorious last year for her; I always say this, but I had never seen my mom so happy as she was this past few years.  

I know that somewhere, she is off on a new adventure; she left so young, and so healthy, and so full of energy, and I can only imagine that she is somewhere being her joyous and laughing self, being a COMIC, and growing, growing, growing, as she amazingly managed to do till the last day of her life.  (I admire this in her very much - her attempt to grow, change and become her best self even at the age of 55 when most would just rely on the 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks' excuse).  The photo below is from the drive back from Yosemite to LA.  I snapped it from the car when I noticed an older couple driving in their teal colored, vintage pick-up, the man with his arm around the woman's shoulders, while she rested her body on his side.  It was a nostalgic scene on a highway full of grungy cars from the 90's, Prius', and truckers.   For some reason, I love it.  It is so serene.  I dedicate it to my mom, who left me with a sense of calmness and feeling of support and love that I will never forget.  I LOVE YOU MAMA, so so so so so incredibly much!  And I will continue to share my days with you here.

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